“You have to totally believe and understand that there’s another chapter in your life ahead of you. And whatever lies ahead of you in that new chapter has got to be better than where you’ve been. Getting help is where it all begins, and you have to be all in.” – Joe, a former addict
We’ve all been there before – you are going through a hard time and you fake a smile so no one will know the wiser. However, it’s a temporary mask that washes off. For people who use drugs, the mask of happiness you wear can become constant, and the internal struggle and pleas for help are hiding just below the surface. We spoke with one recovering addict about her journey to find true and lasting happiness.
Sally’s Story
Like many teenagers, Sally craved independence, and at the age of 15, she left home and started life with the man she was madly in love with. The honeymoon didn’t last long, and the fighting and emotional abuse began. After having her first child, Sally suffered from extreme back pain, and turned to opiates and Xanax for relief.
“I became addicted to the high that the opiates gave me. I was able to manage my family, my job and just life in general better. They made everything numb,” Sally said.
Sally spent the next 17 years in her abusive relationship, had a second child, and continued to abuse opiates. Her turning point came when she ended the relationship, and it seemed like things might be turning around.
“We finally broke up about four years ago, and I knew I needed to stop using pills, so about one week before I moved into my new house, I flushed all of them down the toilet,” Sally said.
“I actually then spent three years dry and sober going to NA [Narcotics Anonymous] meetings. I had emotionally built up a wall, and had become codependent, taking care of other people. My codependency was pretty much the same as the drugs: to keep the focus off of myself.”
The drugs halted, but Sally turned to alcohol as a supplemental coping mechanism, and eventually added cocaine to the mix to fuel her late-night escapades after work. Co-workers began to notice Sally’s changed personality, but what they didn’t know was that it was a mask.
“I was really able to hide it. I’d get up and drink every day but function normally,” Sally said. “People I worked with really thought I was just high on life.”
Despite her substance abuse, Sally saw great success in her career, but her mask was beginning to deteriorate.
“I work for a large, international company, and I won an award that only a small number of people across the entire world receive each year. What should have been a great moment wasn’t,” Sally said. “I knew what I was doing at work. I was drunk and high – I was a high functioning addict, and I was hiding it. This award started the trigger in my mind that I was not normal.”
Sally began to use so much alcohol and cocaine that she would blackout. One day she fell and couldn’t remember it happening, but the scars on her knees and arms were a painful reminder. Sally finally reached out for help, and together with her best friend and mom, she found a rehab facility and started treatment.
It wasn’t long before Sally learned that it was OK to take off the mask and be herself.
“It’s not other people making my problems. Having a mask of happiness is harder than taking it off and being yourself, so be free… Addiction is a disease, not something we choose to do. It’s because we don’t know how to function, and we have to find ourselves. But when you find yourself, you get it. I learned that simple things in life matter,” Sally said.
Sally found true happiness, and you can too. It’s time to take off that mask and find true and lasting joy. There are people waiting to help you – all you have to do is ask. You can do this. Before you know it, you’ll be smiling because you want to, not because you have to, and it will be one of the best feelings in the world.